I hadn't really planned to revisit this part of the blog, but I've received a few messages lately from people (thank you!) asking how I'm doing. So here are a few lines to give you an update on my health (and yet I'm not the Pope).
Clear side
I'm not exactly bursting with energy, which would have been surprising, but I'm doing well. Everything is calm, peaceful (can you hear the bells ringing?), stable, under control. In short, I haven't completely gotten rid of my cancer, but it's in the corner, sent to bed without dinner and confined to its room: it's leaving me alone. Of course, this means taking a pill every day. chemo every day, monthly check-ups, preceded by their ritual blood tests and accompanied by various ceremonials I checked): ECG, blood pressure measurement, plus MRI and scan every other month.
If you are reading this as a healthy person, you may be thinking that it all sounds pretty awful... However, I can assure you that it is not so bad, because in reality it's nothing compared to what you've been through. Besides, you've already done these tests ten, fifteen, twenty times. I could answer the questions with my eyes closed, and I admit that I now sleep during the MRIs. Despite the noise, it doesn't bother me anymore.
Dark side
Although I do not experience any real discomfort in my daily activities (I work, go for walks, and travel), I have accepted that I will not “regain the energy level I had before all this.” I know that it will not come back as it was before. As I mentioned earlier, you adapt: you leave earlier, slow down, carry less, and ask for help. You push yourself less, you know when to let go, you take care of yourself. You also save your mental energy because you have less of it. So you try to use it wisely, to focus, to not spread yourself too thin. You get used to plan your medication when you're on the go and to remember to take it every day.
From time to time, you look at yourself from the outside, you evaluate yourself, wondering what is due to illness and what has come with age, but in the end it doesn't really matter. There's what motivates you, what interests you, what you love, what you see, hear, and understand, and the amount of energy, willpower, and strength you can devote to it. The rest... I won't hide it from you, as I talk about it in the Blaugue, that the world today does not encourage people to make big plans, but that's another story.
Kisses and hugs
Wesh Bro !
