The Kafka Sisters

Synacthene test S01 Ep01

Note: some passages may appear to conflict with readers' spelling conventions. 😎

I already mentioned this Synacthen test, the one where I couldn't get out of bed. Remember? Well, the big day arrived: I managed to get up at 6:30 a.m. and...

No, not really. I didn't “succeed” at anything. I just spent the night working on different websites, with my nose stuck in my computer. When I looked up, it was 6:00 a.m., and luckily, I hadn't eaten anything all night. So I resisted the urge to go to bed, gathered a few things, and left in a hurry, as the lab opened at 7:30 a.m. I got there twenty minutes before opening time. Three people, including a couple, were already waiting, sitting on a stone ledge in front of the window. I sat down too. Waiting...

At half past seven sharp, the door opens. We can finally go in to... stand in line! I'm fine, I'm number three, but in the meantime five more people have turned up and it's getting difficult to fit everyone in the entrance. It's funny because at that time of day, everything is crumpled: from the lab coats that the lab technicians have just put on to all of our faces, you can tell that we've just set the beast in motion. Even some of the chairs look... “crumpled” too. I wouldn't sit on them anyway. To tell the truth, I won't be sitting on anything this morning.

Owelno, huh?

My turn comes, I say “Hello, ma'am,” and hand over my prescription.

— Do you have the kit?
— Dawut?
— Did you buy the kit?
— No, but...

She interrupts me and explains in a way you would to a two-year-old:

— The doctor... (takes her breath) hedidntelyoyoneediddakit?

I want to tell her that the doctor probably has better things to do. But what really kills me is this: to avoid this kind of problem, I called the lab three weeks earlier to ask if the patient needed to bring anything for the test (No, sir, we have everything here) and whether we needed to make an appointment (No, sir, no need; just have an empty stomach, be there at 7:30 a.m. when the lab opens, and you're good to go.”

— Listen, when I called, the person who answered told me that the lab had what was needed.
— Owelno, yoneedabuydakitatafarmacy., huh?

 

His colleague steps in, continuing in the same tone, half bureaucratic, half talk-to-the-dumbguy:

— Anyohadanappouiiiintment?
— No, when I called, they just told me to come without eating at 7:30 a.m.
— DuntnowuculdavetoldUdat...
— One of your colleagues on the phone...
— Owelno! nopossibel, huh? Uhavtomakanappouiiiiiintmentanyweh !


The first one catches the ball on the fly:

—Plus, it's writtn 8am ondaprscrption., not alfposeven, huh?
— What difference does that make? The main thing is that I'm fasting and haven't taken my corticosteroids to avoid affecting the test results. Can you schedule an appointment for me this morning? I will purchase the kit and we can do the test.
— Owelno, sayz eitoclokandafarmacy opensatnine, nopossibel, rite?
— Notoday, Dat4sure !
— Havaniceday, siiir.
— Mmm, Yep, it's looking pretty bad given how she started! Seeyolater!

And I leave like a prince... who's just been royally dumped. Basically, the lab has at least one person who answers the phone and talks nonsense. I got stuck with this person, and now I'm the one being treated like an idiot? They employ someone who is clearly totally clueless, let them answer the phone, and I'm the idiot who needs to be kept answering, “Yovejusbeentoldatdakitwuzneedid?” Small consolation, I managed to contain my aggressiveness: at the time, I just wanted to grab one of the “Kafka sisters” to beat up the other one.

I'm back home.
I had coffee.
Adeline gave me the injection.
I took a nap
I'm awake now.
I've been shopping at the market.

Impatient moron

And I went back to work because there were already attacks on the blog, or rather, on its server in Estonia. Amateur hackers don't waste any time these days. The global reign of morons has begun! Moron in a hurry had created an administrator account and installed his own theme, but since the server has automatic defenses, he got caught: files were deleted or modified, rendering his hack unusable, even for him. I told you they were morons.